The Big Sky Chamber of Commerce unveiled its new Mountain Local Loyalty Card on Tuesday, a punch-card program designed to support hometown businesses. The card offers a free coffee after ten purchases at participating merchants. The only problem is that no one can agree on what “local” means.

Chamber director Marnie Haskins, who moved to Big Sky in 2019 from Denver, said the program celebrates “the people who make this community work.” She defined locals as “anyone who lives here full-time and cares about the valley.” That definition would include the night manager at the new Roxy’s Market location, who commutes from Belgrade because he cannot afford rent in Big Sky.

Jerry “J.P.” Petersen, who bought his cabin on Andesite Road in 1987 for what his daughter now calls “the price of a used Subaru,” has a different standard. “Local means you remember when the only traffic jam was elk on the road to Lone Mountain Ranch,” he said, leaning against his twenty-year-old Tacoma in the post office parking lot. “Local means you shoveled the roof off the community hall in ‘96 so the Valentine’s dance could happen.”

The Yellowstone Club was not invited to participate. Neither was the new luxury realty office that opened last month in the former hardware store space. Their broker, Chip Vandermere, called the exclusion “shortsighted” and noted his clients spend “seven figures annually” in the valley. He asked if there was a Platinum tier. There is not.

The first participating business is Beehive Basin Bakery, where a sourdough loaf costs nine dollars and the barista knows both J.P. and the night manager by name. She also knows the Yellowstone Club member who comes in at 6:15 a.m. for a double espresso and a quiet moment before the housekeepers arrive. She punches all their cards the same way.

The chamber has printed five thousand cards. They expect to run out by Labor Day.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.