A new Wednesday happy hour at the Summit House advertised itself as “for locals only.” By 5:30 p.m., the patio had sorted itself without a word spoken.

On the left side, fleece vests and base layers. Conversations turned on lift-line strategy, the new high-speed quad, and whether the Yellowstone Club grooms its side of the ridge better. A few mentioned they’d been coming up since the 1980s, when a season pass cost less than a truck payment.

On the right side, technical shells and heated gloves. Conversations turned on tax strategy, the new private terminal at the airport, and whether the Yellowstone Club membership waitlist had shortened. A few mentioned they’d been coming up since 2021, when a season pass cost more than a truck payment.

“I’ve skied Lone Peak 40 years and never once seen a membership application,” said Dale Pruitt, 68, stirring his Rainier. “Don’t need one. The mountain’s the same either way.”

Three tables over, Trent Haverford, 34, swirled a glass of something allocated. “The Club’s terrain is objectively superior,” he said. “But I respect the heritage crowd. They held the line when this was just a hill and a dream.”

The bartender, a seasonal from Belgrade named Kayla, refilled both sides from the same tap. She said the tips averaged out.

By 7 p.m., the left side had drifted toward the door, talking about early chair tomorrow. The right side signaled for the check, talking about early flights tomorrow. Neither group looked at the other.

The Summit House manager called the night a success. “Everyone felt seen,” she said. “That’s community.”

The empty tables faced the mountains, waiting for tomorrow’s sort.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.