Big Sky Fire Department conducted its annual community evacuation drill Saturday morning. The exercise was designed to test readiness across both Meadow Village and Mountain Village. Officials said participation was robust. They did not mention the two distinct drills that occurred simultaneously.

In Meadow Village, longtime residents gathered at the community park with go-bags packed since the 1988 fires. Margaret Haskins, 72, checked her neighbor’s tire pressure while reviewing a laminated evacuation map. “We’ve done this before,” she said. “The list hasn’t changed in thirty years. Photos, documents, medications, the cat.”

Two miles up the road in Mountain Village, a concierge service coordinated luxury SUV convoys for seasonal homeowners. Each vehicle carried a fireproof safe, a satellite phone, and a pre-arranged helicopter pickup point. Property managers confirmed the drill via group text. No one stood in the parking lot checking tire pressure.

Fire Chief Dave Kreuger addressed both groups over radio at 10 a.m. He praised the community’s engagement. He did not acknowledge that the Meadow Village group had already cleared the highway while the Mountain Village convoy waited for a police escort. The drill concluded at noon. Both populations received participation certificates.

The after-action report will be released in October. It will note improved communication protocols. It will not note that the two Big Skys evacuated in opposite directions. The highway handles one lane of traffic each way. Everyone knows this. Nobody mentions it.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.