The Big Sky Broadband Advisory Committee met Tuesday at the community commons to review the latest fiber proposal from a Bozeman contractor. Fifteen residents attended, which the chair called “a quorum of the concerned.”

Marlene Haskins, who bought her cabin near Lone Mountain in 1989 for what her daughter now calls “grocery money,” said she still uses a landline and the post office bulletin board. “The internet is fine for email,” she said. “If I want to talk to my grandkids, I call them. If I want to know the weather, I look out the window.”

Chad Whitmore, who purchased a slopeside residence in Moonlight Basin three years ago, joined via video link from his primary home in Austin. His connection froze twice while he explained that symmetric gigabit service is “table stakes for a world-class destination.” He mentioned the Yellowstone Club has had dedicated fiber since 2019.

Daryl Voss, who drives the morning shuttle from Belgrade and runs the ski rental shop at the base area, asked if the plan included the employee housing complex on Little Coyote Road. The consultant said phase two would reach it, pending easements. Voss nodded. His daughter does homework on a hotspot that cuts out when the wind blows.

The committee voted to form a subcommittee to study the subcommittee’s findings. The next meeting is scheduled for October, after the summer rush but before the snow flies. Everyone agreed the current service is either perfectly adequate or a national embarrassment, depending on which side of the meadow you live on.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.