Big Sky True Value hosted its annual winter preparedness clinic Saturday morning in the parking lot off Lone Mountain Trail. The event featured hot coffee, a propane heater demo, and a representative from the county road department explaining plow routes.

Attendance split predictably along the meadow. The newer residents from the Spanish Peaks side arrived in clean SUVs and asked about whole-house generators, battery backups for internet routers, and whether the store carried heated driveway systems. The pre-boom crowd from Meadow Village walked over in worn Carhartts and asked about snow blower maintenance, roof rake extensions, and the best price on a cord of seasoned lodgepole.

“I just want to make sure the Wi-Fi stays up when the power goes,” said Kip Harrington, who bought a place near the Yellowstone Club boundary in 2021. He left with a $4,200 Generac brochure and a rechargeable headlamp. “Outages are the only thing that disrupts the flow.”

Three picnic tables over, Dale Ostermiller adjusted his foam trucker hat. He has lived in the same Meadow Village condo since 1989, back when the lift ticket was seventeen dollars and the road closed in January. He purchased a new auger bit for his thirty-year-old Ariens and a five-gallon bucket of ice melt.

“Generator’s for the freezer,” Dale said. “Everything else runs on wood and stubbornness. Though I did grab one of them headlamps. Hands-free is smart when you’re chipping ice off the propane regulator at midnight.”

The store owner, Marv Gunderson, watched both groups move through the aisles. He has run Big Sky True Value since 1994 and remembers when the clinic drew twelve people and a dog. This year, ninety-four signed the clipboard.

“They’re all preparing for the same winter,” Marv said. “Just different versions of it.”

The county road representative handed out plow route maps. Both populations studied them closely, then folded them differently — one into a glove compartment, the other into a coat pocket.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.