The Bear Canyon bridge on Interstate 90, closed since last Wednesday after a semi hauling an excavator collided with the overpass, will reportedly remain impassable until April, according to the Montana Department of Transportation.

In the six days since the closure, residents east of the bridge have already formed a provisional government, elected a council of elders, and begun minting their own currency backed by the “elk standard.”

“We’ve been cut off from civilization for nearly a week now,” said Harold Dimsworth, a retired plumber from the Bridger Creek area who has assumed the title of Trade Minister. “We’ve rationed the propane. We’re down to our last 14 cases of Busch Light. If the bridge isn’t fixed soon, we’ll have to start drinking IPAs, and nobody wants that.”

MDOT spokesperson Carol Engles confirmed the timeline during a Monday press conference, attributing the delay to “structural assessment, material procurement, and the fact that it is January in Montana.”

“We understand the inconvenience,” Engles said. “We encourage travelers to use the alternate route, which adds approximately 45 minutes to your commute and takes you through a stretch of highway that has no cell service, one gas station, and a hand-painted sign that says ‘REPENT.’”

Local business owners have reported a sharp decline in foot traffic since the closure. Gary’s Bait & Taxidermy, located just east of Bear Canyon, says revenue is down 60 percent.

“I’ve had two customers all week,” said owner Gary Stumpff. “One of them was a coyote. I’m not even sure that counts.”

Meanwhile, the driver of the semi that struck the bridge has not been publicly identified, though witnesses described the collision as “the loudest sound since the Bobcats lost homecoming” and “honestly kind of impressive in a terrible way.”

MDOT has assured residents that the repair is a top priority, right behind 17 other bridge projects, a guardrail replacement near Whitehall, and “whatever is going on with that one pothole on Main that’s been there since 2019.”

The East Canyon Provisional Council has scheduled its first municipal election for February 3. Three candidates have filed, including the coyote from Gary’s shop, who is running on a platform of “fewer fences, more rabbits.”