A new lift station connecting the Riverside community’s wastewater to the Bozeman treatment plant went online this week, a development that officials called “a milestone for regional infrastructure” and that everyone else greeted with polite nodding and a change of subject.

“This is genuinely exciting,” said Bozeman Public Works Director Janet Kilmer, standing beside the lift station in a hard hat while a small crowd of engineers and municipal employees applauded. No members of the general public attended the ribbon-cutting, though a man walking his dog paused briefly before continuing on.

The project, which cost $4.1 million and took two years to complete, replaces aging septic systems in the Riverside area with a modern connection to Bozeman’s water reclamation facility. Engineers said the upgrade will improve water quality in the East Gallatin River and support future residential development, two outcomes that Bozeman residents have complicated feelings about simultaneously.

“It’s great that the river will be cleaner,” said Riverside homeowner Doug Prentiss, 56. “It’s less great that ‘support future residential development’ means more houses on the road I already can’t turn left onto during rush hour.”

Kilmer noted that the project was completed on time and under budget, a fact so unusual for Bozeman infrastructure that The Bee initially assumed it was a typo.

The wastewater treatment plant, located on the city’s northeast side, processes approximately 8 million gallons per day and operates, by all accounts, with remarkable efficiency and zero public awareness. “Nobody thinks about us until something backs up,” said plant supervisor Arnie Gunderson. “We’re the most important thing in this city that nobody has ever voluntarily googled.”

He is statistically correct. A Bee analysis of Google Trends data found that “Bozeman wastewater” receives fewer monthly searches than “Bozeman brunch,” “Bozeman parking,” and “Bozeman bear sighting,” in that order.

The lift station is expected to serve the Riverside area for the next fifty years, quietly and without recognition.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.

Inspired by real local coverage. No actual journalism was harmed in the making of this article.