The City of Helena announced this week that it is continuing to explore the possibility of installing roundabouts at several major intersections, a process that has now been underway for longer than some of those intersections have existed.

“We’re still in the exploratory phase,” said Helena Public Works director Gail Torrence. “We want to make sure the community is ready.”

The community, by all available evidence, is not ready.

A public comment period last fall yielded 340 responses, 312 of which included the phrase “I don’t know how to drive in a roundabout” or some grammatical variation thereof. Seventeen respondents suggested the city install traffic lights instead. Eleven suggested the city “leave it alone.” One respondent submitted a hand-drawn diagram of what they called a “square-about,” which was a four-way stop.

“People think roundabouts are complicated,” said traffic engineer Dave Murchison. “They’re not. You yield to traffic already in the circle, then you enter. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.”

Murchison said he has personally explained this to approximately 400 Helena residents over the past two years, with what he described as “mixed retention.”

Helena resident Barb Kettering, 63, said she drove through a roundabout once in Missoula and “almost died.” When pressed for details, she clarified that she had entered the roundabout successfully, navigated it without incident, and exited at her intended street. “But my heart was going,” she said.

City commissioners noted that Helena’s existing four-way stops regularly produce confusion, near-misses, and what one commissioner called “the wave standoff,” where four drivers arrive simultaneously and spend thirty seconds gesturing at each other to go first.

“At least with a roundabout, somebody has to move,” Torrence said.

The city plans to hold three additional public forums this summer, followed by a feasibility study, followed by what Torrence called “more forums about the feasibility study.” Construction, if approved, would begin no earlier than 2029.

Murchison said he remains optimistic. “By then,” he said, “some of them will have driven through one.”

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.

Inspired by real local coverage. No actual journalism was harmed in the making of this article.