It was supposed to be the ultimate Montana weekend. A group of eleven visitors from the coast rented a charming, rustic-modern cabin near Livingston, hoping to connect with the land before their flight home on Monday. According to local lore, the best way to experience our valley is to eat exactly what you find growing under a damp log.

The group spent their Saturday afternoon scouring a nearby drainage, collecting a variety of colorful mushrooms they identified using a phone app that had very high ratings on the App Store. By the time the sun dipped behind the Bridgers, they had prepared an impressive, earthen-hued risotto. It was, by all accounts, a very artisanal meal.

“We really just wanted to bypass the grocery store and have a true, farm-to-table moment,” said Silas Thorne, a venture capitalist who recently moved his family to a second home in Big Sky. “The app said they were ‘Golden Forest Delights,’ which sounded both safe and local. The mushrooms were very earthy, almost metallic in their finish.”

By midnight, the rental’s open-concept kitchen had become a triage center. The local emergency services, who are used to responding to ski-related tibia fractures and misplaced hikers, were slightly surprised to find eleven adults suffering from what the doctors later described as a very intense, very involuntary botanical cleanse.

It serves as a gentle reminder that while the wilderness is a wonderful backdrop for Instagram, it does not always offer a user-friendly menu. Foraging is a delicate dance between ancient wisdom and the possibility of a very long night in the Gallatin County medical system.

The guests were treated for gastrointestinal distress and have since returned to their rental. They were last seen ordering three dozen pizzas from a chain restaurant in Belgrade, noting that the crust provided a much more predictable culinary experience.

It is a common error to mistake nature’s aesthetic for nature’s permission.