Gary Hops, a man who has spent more time standing in the Gallatin River than on dry land since 1974, announced his retirement this Tuesday. He says his work here is essentially finished because, as he puts it, he has caught every single fish in the drainage at least twice.

“It started as a hobby in the seventies, back when the river was mostly just water and a few stubborn trout,” said Hops, while drying his fifth pair of waders this week. “I figured I’d catch one, release it, and be back at the coffee shop by noon. But then the town grew, the river got crowded, and I just felt a duty to keep the population strictly regulated through my own personal oversight.”

Hops is best known for his invention of the “Neon Disco Caddis,” a fly so bright it requires special permitting from the state to use near residential areas. He claims the fly is irresistible to trout because it glows like a luxury condo complex under construction at night.

Local conservationists are split on the news. Some argue that the river will finally have a chance to recover from fifty years of being poked by Hops’ custom-tied hooks. Others worry that without Hops on the water, the trout will become lazy and stop trying to avoid the expensive gear tourists buy at the downtown shops.

“It’s a transitional period for our aquatic ecosystem,” noted a local fishing guide who asked to remain anonymous while refueling his diesel truck. “Gary kept the fish honest. He was out there every morning at 4:00 a.m. making sure those trout knew exactly how hard it is to live in a town where the average rent is higher than the dissolved oxygen levels.”

Hops plans to spend his retirement sitting on the bank of the river, watching the water flow past without putting a line in. He says he wants to see what the fish do when they aren’t being constantly asked to pose for photos for social media.

When asked if he had any advice for the next generation of anglers, Hops simply pointed to the long line of traffic crawling toward Four Corners. He suggested they might have better luck casting their lines into the congestion on North 19th instead.

The river is currently accepting applications for a new apex predator.