My wife asked me to try oat milk. I said fine. I’m a reasonable man.

It is not milk. I don’t mean that politically. I mean I poured it into my coffee and the coffee turned a color I’ve never seen before. A defeated color. I drank it because I said I would, then I drove to Town & Country and bought a half gallon of 2% like a person who hasn’t lost his mind.

My wife says the coffee shop on Main charges an extra dollar fifty for it. Seven fifty for coffee that tastes like it went to a liberal arts school.

The oats should be left to the horses.