Opinion
Hot takes from people who definitely know what they're talking about.
THE PARKING LOT AT HYALITE IS NOT A MEETING ROOM
It is becoming increasingly clear that many of our neighbors believe the Hyalite Canyon trailhead is a community center, a lounge, and a staging area for a complex game of social chess. On Tuesday, I witnessed a …
Why Is There A Glass Elevator On My Street?
I was walking down North Wallace the other morning, headed to get a paper, when I realized I was lost. I have lived in this neighborhood since 2006, back when I bought my house for a perfectly normal amount of money—a …
Why The Grocery Store Parking Lot Is The Best Place
People often tell me that my truck payment is “a looming financial event,” but I prefer to think of it as a subscription fee for the Bozeman lifestyle. If you can’t afford to park a diesel rig in a spot meant …
Why Is Everyone Driving Like It Is A Sunday In August?
I left my driveway on Kagy at 8:15 a.m. sharp this morning, just as I have for the last twenty-one years. My route is simple: down the hill, over to 19th, and then a slow crawl toward the heart of town. It is a ritual, …
WHY IS EVERYONE STOPPING AT THE GREEN LIGHT ON NINETEENTH
I have driven North 19th Avenue every morning since 2003. It is a straight line, mostly, and I find comfort in the rhythm of the lights. However, lately, I have noticed a disturbing trend that defies all logic: the …
Why Is The Grocery Store Offering Too Many Choices Now
I remember when shopping for a jar of pickles was a meditative experience. You walked into the store, you looked at the shelf, and you chose the one that was there. It was a partnership between the jar and your pantry. …
Why Is There No Salt In The Artisan Vinaigrette?
I have lived in this valley long enough to remember when a jar of pickles was just a jar of pickles. You didn’t need to consult a map of the farm or a list of the soil’s mineral content to enjoy a crisp spear. …
Your Bluetooth Speaker Has No Business On The M Trail
I am writing this from the trailhead of the M, where the parking lot is currently vibrating—not from a tectonic shift, but from the bass of a portable speaker strapped to a daypack. It was 7:15 a.m. on a Tuesday. …
The Disappearance Of The Gravel Parking Lot
I drove past the corner of Mendenhall yesterday and noticed that the gravel lot where the community used to leave their trucks is now a four-story structure with glass railings. It is a very nice building, I suppose. It …
The Official Start Of Winter Should Be Negotiated By The City
It is currently November, and the sky is playing a cruel game of “Is It Or Isn’t It A Blizzard?” I personally own fourteen high-quality fleece jackets, all of which are currently gathering dust because the weather …
Why Is There A Glass Elevator On My Street?
I was walking my dog past the little 1920s bungalow that sits on the corner of my block yesterday. It is a sturdy house, painted a sensible shade of cream, and I have always felt it looked like a nice place to raise a …
Why Your Bluetooth Speaker Has No Place On The M
Last Tuesday, while ascending the M Trail, I was treated to a high-fidelity rendition of a popular synth-pop anthem emanating from the backpack of a hiker thirty yards ahead. I am sure the gentleman, who was wearing very …
Why Are We Building Tiny Houses Inside Of Bigger Houses?
I was walking past a construction site on North Rouse the other day, and I stopped to look at the framing. They are putting up a structure that looks like a very large, very expensive shoebox. It is situated roughly four …
If We Must Have Roundabouts They Need To Be Bigger
I have lived in Belgrade since 1991, and I have seen a lot of pavement poured in the name of progress. Lately, it seems like the city planners have fallen in love with the roundabout. I am not against them in principle, …
WHY WE MUST PROTECT THE DOWNTOWN SIDEWALK CRACKS
I was walking down Main Street yesterday, enjoying the way the wind tries to push you toward the curb, when I tripped. It was a perfectly good crack in the concrete, deep enough to catch a boot heel and wide enough to …
Why Is The Artisan Bread Section Now Requiring A Credit Check?
Last Tuesday, I walked into my usual grocery store to pick up a loaf of sourdough. I have been buying bread at this location since 1994, back when you could park your truck anywhere on the lot and the sourdough was just …
Why A Seven-Hundred-Dollar Monthly Parking Pass Is A Bargain
I heard a lot of grumbling at the trailhead yesterday about the new residential parking permits downtown. People were saying that paying seven hundred dollars a month to keep their trucks near their apartments is …
The North 19th Roundabout Needs A Left-Hand Turn Lane
People keep telling me that roundabouts are designed to keep things moving. They say the flow is circular and natural, like a creek bed. I say a creek bed doesn’t have three lifted trucks from out-of-state sitting …
THE CURRENT MID-NOVEMBER SUNSHINE IS A PERSONAL AFFRONT
It is currently fifty-two degrees in November, and frankly, I do not trust it. I own fourteen fleece jackets for a reason, and not one of them is being utilized because the atmosphere refuses to commit to a proper …
Why We Must Support The Twenty-Dollar Breakfast Burrito
I keep hearing people complain about the price of a breakfast burrito downtown. Honestly, I think those folks are missing the big picture. When I pay twenty-two dollars for eggs, chorizo, and a handful of potatoes …
WHY ARE WE ALLOWING LEFT TURNS ON MAIN STREET?
I have driven down Main Street every morning since 2003. It is a simple, rhythmic experience that defines the character of a person’s day. You go straight, you observe the speed limit, and you arrive. Lately, however, I …
WHY THE ARTISAN PICKLE JARS AT THE CO-OP ARE A THREAT
I have lived in this valley long enough to remember when a jar of pickles was a humble, reliable neighbor. You went to the store, you bought a jar of spears that looked like they had been through a standard, respectable …
YOUR RETRACTABLE DOG LEASH IS A PUBLIC SAFETY CRISIS
I moved here in 2019, right when the community was at its peak of authentic outdoor culture. Back then, we all used fixed-length leashes, because we understood that a mountain trail is a place of order. Today, however, …
The Four-Way Stop On Main Is A Constitutional Crisis
I have driven down Main Street every morning at 8:15 a.m. for the last twenty-one years. It is a ritual that provides structure to a world that feels increasingly loose at the hinges. Recently, however, I encountered a …
Why The Grocery Store Layout Changes Are A Moral Failing
I walked into the North 7th grocery store on Tuesday, intending to purchase my usual supply of garlic dills and a bag of flour. For fifteen years, the pickles were located in Aisle 4, nestled comfortably between the …
Why The Five-Dollar Ski Parking Fee Is A Moral Outrage
I checked my bank account this morning and saw a notification for a five-dollar parking fee at the hill. It feels like we are losing the soul of the valley, one handful of change at a time. I’ve skied here for six …
THE ARTISANAL PICKLE JAR LID IS A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY
I have lived in this valley long enough to remember when a pickle was simply a cucumber that had spent some quality time in a brine bath. It was a humble, sour endeavor. You opened the jar, you ate the pickle, and you …
WHY IS THE SUN LUNCHING AT THE OFFICE AGAIN?
It is currently 4:15 in the afternoon, and the sky looks like it belongs in a Victorian coal-mining accident. I understand that the earth rotates and the planet tilts—I took geography—but this does not make the sudden …
THE NEW ROUNDABOUT AT KAGY IS A PERSONAL INSULT
I have been driving from my driveway to the post office via Kagy Boulevard every Tuesday for twenty-one years. It is a precise, meditative journey that allows me to contemplate the changing seasons while maintaining a …
The Intersection At Jackrabbit Is A Moral Failing
I have lived in Belgrade since 1991. I have watched the hay fields turn into storage units and the gravel turn into asphalt, but the way we handle the intersection at Jackrabbit remains a mystery of the modern age. …
Why Are We Building Tiny Houses Inside My Original Cottage?
I was walking past my mailbox the other day, clutching a bag of organic kale from the Co-op, when I noticed something peculiar. The vacant lot next to my property, which used to be home to a very nice, very quiet patch …
YOUR RETRACTABLE DOG LEASH IS A THREAT TO PUBLIC ORDER
I was hiking the M Trail last Tuesday, moving at a brisk but respectable pace, when I encountered a gentleman and his golden retriever. The dog was tethered to one of those thin, retractable plastic leashes that look …
WHY THE ARTISAN PICKLE CRISIS IS TEARING US APART
I have lived in this valley for thirty-two years, and in that time, I have learned a great deal about the geography of a cucumber. I know which North 19th strip mall aisle houses the mass-produced jars that taste like …
WHY WE MUST PROTECT THE DOWNTOWN PARKING METER GHOSTS
I was walking down Main Street the other day, clutching a cup of coffee that cost the same amount as my first mortgage payment—which, I should mention, I secured in 2006 for a perfectly normal, sensible amount of …
The M Trail Is Not An Appropriate Venue For Your Bluetooth Speaker
I hiked the M Trail on Tuesday morning, as I do every Tuesday to calibrate my internal pace for the week. About halfway up, I encountered a group of three gentlemen wearing very expensive, brand-new hiking boots that …
Why Is A Shed Now A Million Dollar Investment Property
I was walking down by the creek the other day, looking for a place to sit and think about the price of eggs. I happened to glance over at a plot of land that, back in 2006, I remember being home to a very industrious …
We Have Too Many Circles And Not Enough Straight Lines
I’ve been driving the commute from Belgrade into Bozeman for thirty-three years now. Back in ’91, you could get from the outskirts to Main Street without seeing a single piece of circular concrete. You drove in a …
The Ten-Dollar Coffee Is Actually A Bargain
I heard a fella at the trailhead the other day complaining that his morning latte cost twelve dollars. He was pretty worked up about it, waving his car keys around like he’d been personally robbed by the barista. …
Why Are We Putting Valet Parking At The Library?
I stopped by the public library on East Main last Tuesday to return a book on local irrigation history. I was surprised to find a young man in a crisp vest standing near the entrance, holding a sign that suggested he was …
The Tragedy Of The Four-Way Yield
I’ve been driving down Kagy Boulevard every morning at 8:15 a.m. for twenty-one years. It’s a reliable rhythm, much like the changing of the seasons or the inevitable price hike on a carton of eggs at the Co-op. …
The Four-Second Yield Is A Breakdown Of Civil Society
It used to be that when you turned onto North 19th, there was an understanding. You waited your turn, you signaled your intent, and if you saw a neighbor, you offered a polite wave. It was a rhythm, like the changing of …
Why Are Our Muffins Becoming So Tall?
I walked down Main Street last Tuesday, just to see what the morning light looked like hitting the old brick. It looked fine, mostly. But then I stopped into a bakery that used to be a place where you could get a slice …
Put The Brakes On The Roundabouts, Folks
Where Did All The Good Pickles Go? A Cry For Help
I’ve lived in Bozeman long enough to remember when the biggest decision you had to make at the grocery store was whether to get dill or sweet. Oh, how times have changed. I’m talking about pickles, folks. Our …
They're Calling These "Luxury" Now? I Call Them What They Are: Small.
I was driving down North 7th the other day, minding my own business, which is getting harder to do with all the new buildings popping up. Everywhere you look, there’s another crane or another patch of dirt that …
We Need To Talk About The Four Corners Roundabout
I’ve been driving these roads since 1991, back when Four Corners was just a blink and a wave. Now, with all the new folks moving in, it’s a whole different ballgame. And what I want to talk about is that roundabout they …
It's Just Snow, Folks
I’ve been hearing a lot of grumbling lately about the snow. “Too much snow,” some folks say. “When will it end?” others whine. I just don’t get it. We live in a place where the …
Let's Talk About That Four-Way Stop On 19th
We Need More Parking Spots, Not Bike Lanes
It’s February, Where Is The Snow?
I woke up this morning and looked out the window. The grass was showing through in patches. Patches! In February! This is simply not right. People complain when we get too much snow. They complain about shoveling, about …
Where Did All The Good Pickles Go?
I’ve been a resident of Bozeman for longer than some of these new “luxury condos” have had their foundations poured, and in that time, I’ve seen a lot of changes. Some good, some not so good. But …
The Unacceptable Truth About The New Canned Goods Aisle
Friends, neighbors, fellow shoppers. I come to you today with a heavy heart and a perplexed palate. Something fundamental has shifted in our local grocery store, and I fear we are all too busy to notice the subtle …
Please Let Me Hand My Ballot To A Real Person
I support absentee voting. I support convenience. I support envelopes, drop boxes and all the impressive administrative machinery that allows a citizen to participate in self-government while standing in socks near the …
Read The Ballot Like It Is Medicine
I am asking the public to do one difficult thing and one easy thing. The difficult thing is participating in democracy. The easy thing is reading the page that comes with it. Every election, we are reminded that a ballot …
The Line At Yard Sale Bagels Is The Whole Point
I have heard people complain that the line at Yard Sale Bagels is too long. This is incorrect. The line is not an unfortunate byproduct of the bagel. The line is the highest form of the bagel. If a new food establishment …
The Snakes Are Using The Trail Correctly
Each spring, wildlife experts gently remind us that warmer weather brings more snakes onto Montana trails. Each spring, many hikers respond as though this is an outrageous breach of customer service. I would like to …
If Streaming Won't Carry Local News, Carry My Grief
I am old enough to remember when television arrived through the air and a person could lose a channel only by driving into a canyon or insulting God. Now I pay actual money every month for a streaming service that …
Teach The Children Bike Safety Before They Meet Us
I support teaching children to ride bicycles safely. I want to be clear about that at the outset, because modern public discourse requires a person to declare support for childhood before making a practical concern. My …
My Neighborhood Hosted A Safety Workshop And Now Everyone Is Scared
Last week our neighborhood association held a street safety workshop at the community center off Oak Street. It was prompted by a series of traffic incidents, one of them fatal, and the stated goal was to empower …
I Was Fine Before The Energy Drinks
There’s a new Montana-made energy drink at the Co-op and it costs $5.49 for a single can. Five forty-nine. For caffeine. I work the breakfast shift at a restaurant on Main and the closing shift at a bar on Rouse. I …
The Elk Crossing Signs Are An Insult To The Elk
The Montana Department of Transportation has installed new signs along U.S. 191 near the mouth of Gallatin Canyon warning drivers of elk crossings. The signs feature a picture of an elk. As if we didn’t know what …
The Main Street Crosswalk Is A Test Of Faith
Every day I cross Main Street at the midblock crosswalk near the Rouse intersection, and every day I place my life in the hands of drivers who may or may not see me, respect me, or understand the basic legal concept that …
May Is The Cruelest Month In Bozeman
On Monday it was 72 degrees. I wore shorts. I sat on my porch. I thought: we made it. Winter is over. On Tuesday it snowed four inches. On Wednesday it was 65 and sunny. The snow melted. Crocuses appeared. Hope returned. …
The Person Who Brings A Guitar To The Trailhead
You know who you are. You’ve got the guitar strapped to your pack. You’re sitting on a rock at the Drinking Horse trailhead. You’re playing Wagon Wheel. You’re playing it in a key that …
I Moved Here Two Years Ago
I moved to Bozeman from Denver in 2024 for the quality of life, the mountain access, the tight-knit community, and the sense that this place was still real in a way that bigger cities had stopped being. Two years later, …
Roundabouts Are A Coastal Conspiracy And I Will Not Be Moved
I have driven through Belgrade’s four-way stop at Broadway and Main approximately 11,000 times in my life, and not once has it required a circular intervention imported from Europe. A four-way stop works on a …
People Who Back Into Parking Spaces
You know who you are. You pull past the spot, stop traffic, and then spend forty-five seconds reversing into a space that you could have pulled into face-first in three. You do this because you believe it will save you …
I Drive The Speed Limit On North 19th
The speed limit on North 19th Avenue is 35 miles per hour. I know this because I read the sign. It is a white sign with black numbers. It is not ambiguous. It does not say “35 or whatever feels right.” It …
The Shopping Cart Situation
The WinCo parking lot has become a lawless frontier. Not because of crime — because of shopping carts. Abandoned shopping carts rolling freely across the asphalt like tumbleweeds in a western nobody asked for. There is a …
I Tried Oat Milk
My wife asked me to try oat milk. I said fine. I’m a reasonable man. It is not milk. I don’t mean that politically. I mean I poured it into my coffee and the coffee turned a color I’ve never seen …
Stop Calling It A 'Quick Trip' To Costco
There is no such thing as a quick trip to Costco. It has never existed. Every person who has ever said “I’m just running to Costco real quick” has returned ninety minutes later with a rotisserie …
The Roundabout Is Not That Hard
You go in. You go around. You come out. That’s the whole thing. And yet every single day I watch someone stop inside the roundabout. Inside it. As if the concept of yielding to the left has broken their …
Whoever Changed The Pickle At The Deli Owes This Town An Explanation
Editor’s note: The following was submitted unsolicited to our offices in a hand-addressed envelope. We are printing it in full. I have been going to the same deli for seven years. Every Thursday. Turkey on wheat, …