The Forest Service deployed six volunteer trailhead ambassadors to the Hyalite Canyon corridor last weekend. They wear sage-green vests. They carry maps. They have a checklist that includes “greet visitors,” “share Leave No Trace principles,” and “monitor parking compliance.”

Marge Haskins, 72, stationed at the Grotto Falls lot by 7 a.m., said she handed out twelve dog-poop bags and one stern look to a golden retriever off leash. The retriever did not appear chastened. “People mean well,” Haskins said. “They just forget this isn’t a city park. The moose doesn’t read the signs.”

The moose in question, a cow with twin calves, has been bedding down in the willows behind the information kiosk since Tuesday. She eats the ornamental serviceberries the Forest Service planted in 2019. The ambassadors have started a log. Tuesday: moose ate three serviceberry bushes. Wednesday: moose slept through a guided birding group. Thursday: moose charged a drone operator from Bozeman who got too close. The drone operator, who gave his name as Bryce, said he was “just getting content for the ‘gram.” He left without his drone. The moose kept the drone.

Ambassador duties do not technically include moose management. But with the district ranger 45 minutes away in Bozeman and the wildlife biologist on fire detail, the vests have become the de facto moose liaisons. They tape yellow caution ribbon around the kiosk. They whisper to hikers: “Give her space. She’s not a statue.” Most hikers comply. A few ask for selfies. The ambassadors say no, politely, the way you say no to a toddler reaching for a hot stove.

Tyler Vandeberg, 29, visiting from his software job in Austin, parked his rental Subaru at the History Rock lot and walked up to Haskins. He asked if the moose was “part of the interpretive experience.” Haskins said no, the moose lives here. Vandeberg nodded slowly. “Cool,” he said. “Very authentic.” He hiked to the falls and back in 47 minutes. His Strava segment is now “Queen of the Grotto.”

The serviceberries are gone. The kiosk map is torn at the corner where a calf rubbed its flank. The ambassadors will be here through Labor Day. The moose has no end date.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.