The Thursday Night Lights Flag Football League kicked off its fall season Wednesday at the Four Corners Sports Complex, where three regulation fields now sit on land that produced alfalfa hay as recently as June.

League commissioner Dale Haskins, 52, walked the sidelines in a headlamp because the permanent lighting hasn’t been installed yet. He said the complex represents progress.

“Five years ago this was open space,” Haskins said. “Now it’s open space with painted lines and a porta-potty contract. That’s Bozeman.”

The opening night matchup pitted the Midvalley Merchants against the Bridger Bowl Ski Patrol, a rivalry that neatly splits the valley along occupational lines. The Merchants roster includes two realtors, a mortgage broker, and a man who owns three Subway franchises. The Ski Patrol side features three lift operators, a ski tuner, and a guy who lives in his truck near the M trailhead from November through April.

Merchants quarterback Tyler Vandegrift, 34, threw for two touchdowns in the first half while wearing gloves that matched his truck’s interior. He works in title insurance.

“We’re just here to compete,” Vandegrift said. “Also my landlord raised the rent on the office park so I needed the win for mental health.”

Ski Patrol linebacker Jesse Colter, 29, intercepted a pass in the third quarter and returned it to the five-yard line. He works night patrol at the mountain and slept three hours before the game.

“The field’s fast,” Colter said. “Kind of slippery where the alfalfa roots are still breaking down. Reminds me of early season at Bridger.”

Spectators sat on folding chairs along the sideline, a mix of fleece vests and Carhartt jackets. Several parents from the youth soccer league next door wandered over between games, carrying iced coffees from the drive-through that opened in March where a barn stood in February.

The Merchants won 28-21 on a fourth-down stop with twelve seconds left. Both teams shook hands at midfield, then walked toward the parking lot where a sign reads “Future Home of Luxury Townhomes Starting in the $900s.”

Haskins turned off his headlamp and locked the gate. The alfalfa roots keep pushing through the turf in the end zones.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.