The MSU Alpine Ski Club met Tuesday evening in the gravel lot behind the Strand Union Building for their third dryland session of the fall. Thirty-two athletes in matching neon shirts completed ladder drills, box jumps, and a circuit of medicine ball throws while tourists photographed the mountains behind them. Coach Dale Henderer watched from the bed of his 1998 Tacoma, clipboard in hand, the way he has for fourteen Septembers.

“The line between fitness and injury is thinner than people think,” Henderer said. “We’re not trying to win November. We’re trying to survive December.” The team lost six seniors to graduation and two more to the Yellowstone Club’s private training program, which offers a heated facility and a sports psychologist. Henderer does not have a heated facility. He has cones and a stopwatch.

Junior Kelsey Moran drove from Belgrade after her shift at the Co-op to run intervals between parked Subarus. She grew up racing at Bridger Bowl but took two years off to work full time at a physical therapy clinic. “The cost of a FIS license alone is more than my first car payment,” she said. “But the snow doesn’t care about your budget.” She finished the final sprint with her hands on her hips, breathing into the dusk.

The club’s race budget comes from a pancake breakfast in October and a gear swap in November where locals sell last year’s skins for half price. Henderer applied for student government funding again this year. The committee asked for a diversity impact statement and a sustainability plan. He submitted a photo of the team stretching beside a recycling bin.

First snow on the Bridgers usually arrives by Halloween. The team will be ready, or they will not. The mountains do not negotiate.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.