The nets went up Tuesday beside the new pickleball courts where tennis courts used to be. By Wednesday afternoon three sets had already been stolen and replaced with duct-taped frames from a garage in Belgrade.

League commissioner Marv Hensley, 42, runs a gutter company and plays middle blocker for the Midvalley Merchants. He showed up at 6 a.m. with a measuring tape and a level. The grass was still damp from the sprinklers that run at 3 a.m. because the city waters on odd-numbered days and the league plays on even ones.

“The line holds if the net holds,” Hensley said. He knelt to adjust a tension strap. “Last year we lost the championship because the frame collapsed on match point. The other team spiked it into the grass and we couldn’t return it. That’s not sport. That’s equipment failure.”

Fourteen teams registered. The Bobcat Spikers are mostly MSU seniors who found out about the league on Instagram. The Hyalite Hawks are three physical therapists and a guy who sells solar. The Bridger Bowl Patrol enters two squads — one ski patrol, one lift ops — and they refuse to play each other until the finals.

First serve is 6:30 p.m. Thursday. Parking is the usual negotiation. The lot fills by 5:45 with Subarus and one diesel dually that takes two spaces. A man in a Patagonia vest argued with a teenager in a lifted Tacoma about whether the yellow curb counts as a spot. The teenager won. He always does.

The league runs eight weeks. No referees. Disputes settled by rock-paper-scissors best of three. Hensley keeps the bracket on a clipboard. He brought extras in case the wind takes the first one. The wind always takes the first one.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.