The Saturday morning run club met at Wild Crumb on West Main at 6:30 a.m. Fifteen runners laced their shoes beside parked Subarus and one lifted diesel. They loaded into four vehicles for the 0.7-mile drive to the M Trail trailhead.

Dale Hargrove, 42, organized the carpool via group text the night before. “Parking at the trailhead is impossible after seven,” he said. “Plus the coffee here opens at six. It’s logistics.”

The group ascended the switchbacks in a loose pack, passing a family of tourists asking which way the “M” faces. New condo foundations glittered on the benchland below, visible through the smoke haze from the Idaho fires. Two runners stopped to photograph the sunrise over the Bridgers.

Marnie Kessler, 29, led the pace group targeting eight-minute miles. She works remote for a Denver software firm and moved here in March. “The elevation humbles you fast,” she said at the saddle. “But the commute is unreal.”

On the descent, the line held — metaphorically, at least. No one got dropped. The diesel truck idled in the trailhead lot when they returned, its driver stretching against the tailgate. Wild Crumb had a line out the door by 8:15.

The same group meets next Saturday. Same coffee shop. Same trailhead. Same cars.

This article is satire. The Bozeman Daily Bee is a satirical publication. None of this is real.